Put the tinsel back into Christmas

Yesterday evening, the wife and I got to talking about Christmas decor. As newly-weds, I felt it was important to gauge her opinions. First point of discussion:  real tree or fake tree? No debate. We're both real people (I'll be picking one up next Monday after work).

We live in a small but delightfully homely studio flat. Space is at a premium. So, second point: large girth, six-footer, or quaint little table-topper? Now, we would love a bulging, bristling Norwegian Spruce. But not enough to endure hacking through needle-infested branches every time we want to get to the bathroom. Naturally, we both agreed on a three-foot miniature verison.

Ah, it was all so easy. I was suddenly awash with excitement at the thought of transforming our abode into a Christmas wonderland. The sweet aroma of pine needles, cranberries and cinnamon. Aled Jones soaring from the stereo. Chestnuts roasting on the open fire. Multi-coloured fairy lights twinkling from the tree. Lanterns, stars and shiny, red, gold, silver, purple, blue and green streamers hanging from the ceiling...

And that was the snag. Apparently, shiny doesn't work in the 21st century. Shiny is 1970s glam. Shiny is 1980s kitsch. Shiny died an ignominious death sometime around 1997. Shiny is not the done thing.

Don't get me wrong. I love my wife, so her distaste for shiny streamers and garish giant stars will not be held against her. She even admitted to a liking for tinsel. She will gladly aquiesce and throw a bit around the place, even on our mini Scots Pine. But bright reflective coloured baubels are out. She's still considering the streamers.

*And therein lies the crux of the issue. In those pretentious circles that dictate "style" in the 00s, Christmas trees are to be decorated with popcorn on threads and dried orange peel. Bits of twig and holly leaves. Colours are to be carefully co-ordinated. Lights must be of one hue, preferrably white. Things should not dangle from the ceiling. Shiny, glittery paper is a major faux-pas.

Cobblers! I am leading a fight-back in favour of those unashamedly loud, garish, in-yer-face shiny Christmas decorations. Yes, Christmas is undoubtedly first and foremost about the birth of Jesus Christ. But it has a great side-line as a time to party and have fun.

I'm firmly in the Clark Griswald camp here. The hero of National Lampoons Christmas Vacation really gets Christmas. Huge tree, too much eggnog (whatever that actually is), Santa's sleigh on the lawn and enough lights on the house to burn a hole in the ozone layer as big as the Isle of Man! Bring it on! Rather that than endure a too-cool-for-yule sneeringly superior Christmas. Where's the fun in that?

I mean, think about it. Religion and faith aside, what makes Christmas magical? Obviously it's slightly different for everyone but essentially it's Santa Claus in his ridiculous red costume, elves in their silly green outfits, reindeer with harnesses festooned with shiny gold bells, colourful Christmas crackers and daft party hats, turkey and stuffing, Only Fools and Horses on the telly, a giant tin of Quality Street, ecstatic kids tearing brightly coloured wrapping paper, trees enveloped in tinsel and Noddy Holder in silver platform shoes screaming "It's Chriiiiiistmaaaaassss".

Give me tinsel any time!

* NB these are not the hard and fast views of my beloved, merely general observations.